Friday Homestretch/AFTP

Market taking it in the seat after Trump announced $50 billion in new tariffs on Chinese imports, and I got drunk last night.

Had dinner at Mastro’s, which is too fucking dark.  I know dimming the lights adds ambience, but at one point I accidentally sank my fork into my cellphone.

Ultimately, at all steak dinners I put a full glass of red on my forehead and then turn it upside down…

It’s called the “wine-icorn”, and because I have an acre of face, I can do it with any size glass.  I cant do a push-up or burpee (whatever the fuck that is), so it’s really all I have.

A lovely young lady took the pic, and then looked utterly disgusted at the wine stain on my head that was left behind.

Oh, I should probably save this for Monday’s “I HATE NY”, but ended the night at a pretentious bar in the Baccarat Hotel.  Had an Eastern European waitress, who looked like she would peg on the first date.  I drank absinthe for no particular reason, and when the bill comes, they ask you to sign with a feather and ink instead of a pen.

Following up on the birthday wishes I bestowed upon Boy George yesterday, I was remiss to not mention my favorite thing about that freak.

At one point George brought a much younger male model up to his apartment, drugged him, and handcuffed him to a radiator.  When the detainee woke up, he saw George laying out an array of dildos on the bed that George was promising to violate him with.

I think my waitress at Baccarat owns a similar array.

Anyhoo, the guy justifiably freaked, found some adrenaline-fueled super-strength, broke free of his shackles, and ran out while Boy George gave chase, whipping him with chains as he fled.

Cops came, yadda-yadda, and eventually boy George was sentenced to 15 months in prison… Which is kinda like sentencing him to 15 months in Hedonism down in Nevis, don’t you think?  I mean, I know when I get to prison, my dance card will be full.  You don’t think Boy George was laughing all the way to the prison-issued-pillow after that sentence?

If you don’t recall last Friday, I re-introduced an “Ass From The Past” (AFTP) segment that isn’t dirty… It’s nostalgic.  Started it off with Phoebe Cates emerging from the pool in that iconic red bikini, and today I am gonna look even further back to the original Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter.

Lynda was an All-American broad from Arizona.  Half English/half Mexican former Miss USA who was plucked from acting obscurity to play the DC super hero from 1975-1979.

Half English/Half Mexican?… Where the fuck did they meet?

“Hey!  After you’re done with my lawn, you wanna get married?”

And no matter how big of a fan I was of the original, that broad who plays her now is arguably even more stunning.  I post this so you can see Lynda modern day (66) and the girl who has picked up her magic lasso and ran with it.

Good weekend, everyone.

Happy Father’s Day to all my fellow motherfuckers… Take many selfish reports.

-Large